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"It's not often that a truly original book on improving marriage comes along. This is one. Reading this book will help you see your relationship in a deeper, more balanced way, and show you practical new ways to make it fairer and more satisfying to both of you."

William J. Doherty, Ph.D, Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota and author of Take Back Your Marriage

"As I read this superb book about relationship, empathy and justice, I found myself thinking about many couples I have treated over the years. Each chapter contains compelling case histories, exercises, and very clearly and thoughtfully defined ideas that are powerful and achievable. This is a book that I will recommend to many patients."

Don-David Lusterman, Ph.D., ABPP, 2008 Recipient of the American Family Therapy Academy Lifetime Achievement Award

"For couples who love one another but keep hitting the wall of conflict and misunderstanding, Try to See it My Way is an invaluable resource to teach them the language of fairness and trustworthy behavior in order to get on the right relational track."

Terry Hargrave, Ph.D., Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Fuller Theological Seminary and author of Families and Forgiveness

"If you've ever felt unfairly treated by your partner, this book is a must read... Full of compelling ideas, clinically informed practical advice, and deep insight into how we understand and solve the ancient relationship problem of "what's fair?"

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D. author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?

"Holiday Blues Webinar"
Sponsored by the Melanoma International Foundation
December, 2011
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Intergenerational Family Processes
Council for Relationships
March 17, 2010 | Philadelphia, PA
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Try to SeeIt My Way: Beyond Communication to Fairness
The Smithsonian Associate Lecture Series
May 20, 2010 | Washington, DC
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Try to See It My Way: Being Fair in Love and Marriage
Kennedy Health Systems Public Lecture
May 21, 2010 | Camden, NJ
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Fairness in the Parent-Child Relationship
Family & Play Therapy Center
June 25, 2010 | Philadelphia, PA
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Financial Infidelity
B. Hibbs guest of Radio Times
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Beyond Right and Wrong To Fairness
Psychotherapy Networker
Sept/October issue
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B. Hibbs, All Rights Reserved
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1. Give up the certainty that you're right.
2. Learn about your blind spots in love and fairness.
3. Take a look at the "shoulds" for what partners owe to and deserve from each other.
4. Keep a good balance between give and take with your partner.
5. Show appreciation often. If you didn't have to do it (clean up, cook, take out the trash, get up in the middle of the night with the baby), say "thank you." Offer specific acknowledgments—they are more heartfelt than just a general thanks.
6. If you were unfair, own up to it. Everyone is unfair sometimes. When you are—take responsibility—it's the best natural medicine for a partner's hurt feelings.
7. Replace blame with claims. Instead of complaining...ask for what you need.
8. Stop fighting to win, and start caring about your partner's perspective. Try to see it her way/his way...from all sides
9. Stop keeping score.
10. Back-up the feelings of love with the actions of fairness.