Try To See It My Way - a book by Dr. B. Janet Hibbs

Buy book: Try To See It My Way by B. Janet Hibbs, Ph.D. with Karen J. Getzen, Ph.D.

"It's not often that a truly original book on improving marriage comes along. This is one. Reading this book will help you see your relationship in a deeper, more balanced way, and show you practical new ways to make it fairer and more satisfying to both of you."

William J. Doherty, Ph.D, Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota and author of Take Back Your Marriage

"As I read this superb book about relationship, empathy and justice, I found myself thinking about many couples I have treated over the years. Each chapter contains compelling case histories, exercises, and very clearly and thoughtfully defined ideas that are powerful and achievable. This is a book that I will recommend to many patients."

Don-David Lusterman, Ph.D., ABPP, 2008 Recipient of the American Family Therapy Academy Lifetime Achievement Award

"For couples who love one another but keep hitting the wall of conflict and misunderstanding, Try to See it My Way is an invaluable resource to teach them the language of fairness and trustworthy behavior in order to get on the right relational track."

Terry Hargrave, Ph.D., Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Fuller Theological Seminary and author of Families and Forgiveness

"If you've ever felt unfairly treated by your partner, this book is a must read... Full of compelling ideas, clinically informed practical advice, and deep insight into how we understand and solve the ancient relationship problem of "what's fair?"

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D. author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?

"Holiday Blues Webinar"
Sponsored by the Melanoma International Foundation
December, 2011
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Intergenerational Family Processes
Council for Relationships
March 17, 2010 | Philadelphia, PA
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Try to SeeIt My Way: Beyond Communication to Fairness
The Smithsonian Associate Lecture Series
May 20, 2010 | Washington, DC
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Try to See It My Way: Being Fair in Love and Marriage
Kennedy Health Systems Public Lecture
May 21, 2010 | Camden, NJ
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Fairness in the Parent-Child Relationship
Family & Play Therapy Center
June 25, 2010 | Philadelphia, PA
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Financial Infidelity
B. Hibbs guest of Radio Times
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Beyond Right and Wrong To Fairness
Psychotherapy Networker
Sept/October issue
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B. Hibbs, All Rights Reserved
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How do guys talk about fairness issues? Do any of these complaints sound familiar?

What's the use? I screwed up years ago, and my wife will never let me out of the doghouse. I might as well give up.
She has a memory like an elephant, and digs up things from 20 years ago that I did wrong. I can't even remember what we fought about yesterday. It's hopeless.
She thinks she's saving money when she buys something on sale.
I used to be the knight in shining armor. But now I don't make enough, I'm not sensitive enough...I can't win.
How many times can a guy get rejected for sex and still feel loved?

Many men feel discouraged and unfairly treated around issues of money, sex and yes, forgiveness. What are some tips for how to restore fairness in these areas?

Money:

Get out of the power struggle. Begin by ranking financial goals and priorities. Now talk about your differences. An online budgeting tool can help.

Sex:

Partners often have different needs sexually. Instead of a turndown, ask your partner to give you a rain check...if not now, when would be a better time? Don't use putdowns or emotional intimidation to get your needs met. But do openly discuss what you'd ideally like, and see if the obstacles can be overcome. Guys--did you know that men who help more with the housework have marriages with more active sex lives than those who don't? Learn what your partner considers foreplay. Sometimes it can be as simple as washing the dishes.

Forgiveness:

Each partner has to own up to his or her share of the problem. Beyond "I'm sorry," show remorse and take steps to rebuild trust. To learn more about relationship repair, turn to Chapter 7 in Try to See It My Way