Title: The Husbands' Page

How do guys talk about fairness issues? Do any of these complaints sound familiar?

  • What's the use? I screwed up years ago, and my wife will never let me out of the doghouse. I might as well give up.
  • She has a memory like an elephant, and digs up things from 20 years ago that I did wrong. I can't even remember what we fought about yesterday. It's hopeless.
  • She thinks she's saving money when she buys something on sale.
  • I used to be the knight in shining armor. But now I don't make enough, I'm not sensitive enough...I can't win.
  • How many times can a guy get rejected for sex and still feel loved?
Many men feel discouraged and unfairly treated around issues of money, sex and yes, forgiveness. What are some tips for how to restore fairness in these areas?


Get out of the power struggle. Begin by ranking financial goals and priorities. Now talk about your differences. An online budgeting tool can help.


Partners often have different needs sexually. Instead of a turndown, ask your partner to give you a rain check...if not now, when would be a better time? Don't use putdowns or emotional intimidation to get your needs met. But do openly discuss what you'd ideally like, and see if the obstacles can be overcome. Guys--did you know that men who help more with the housework have marriages with more active sex lives than those who don't? Learn what your partner considers foreplay. Sometimes it can be as simple as washing the dishes.


Each partner has to own up to his or her share of the problem. Beyond "I'm sorry," show remorse and take steps to rebuild trust. To learn more about relationship repair, turn to Chapter 7 in Try to See It My Way