Title: Fairness Questionnaire

Take a quiz to find out how fair your relationship is...and how fair you are.

The following questionnaire can expand your awareness about fair give and take. There are no right or wrong answers. Don't spend a lot of time thinking about your answers. The purpose of this questionnaire is to help you identify fairness patterns.

Fairness with Your Partner

  1. I rarely express my anger at my partner directly.
  2. When I disagree with my partner, I keep it to myself.
  3. I want my spouse to just know what I need.
  4. I often feel angry that my partner doesn't give me what I need.
  5. I feel like the victim in my relationship.
  6. I feel caught between my children and my partner.
  7. If I'm honest, I'd say I blame my partner for too much.
  8. I take on more than my spouse does.
  9. I accept blame, even when it's not my fault.
  10. My partner never wants to talk about problems.
  11. My partner's needs are reasonable.
  12. I can't count on my spouse to tell me what they want.
  13. I lead with "what was wrong" instead of saying what would be better.
  14. My spouse doesn't seem to care about how I really am.
  15. I "simmer in silence" in my relationship.
  16. I don't think it's "worth it" to discuss problems, because nothing will change.
  17. What I do is taken for granted.
  18. After a run-in, we seldom seem to work it out.

Usually True


Usually False



is simple. If you answered, "usually true" to five or more of the questions, this indicates that you are shortchanging yourself (and possibly your partner) in resolving fairness issues. Chapter Two of Try to See It My Way contains other questionnaires concerning fairness with parents, fairness with children, and general feelings about fairness. Temporary imbalances in give-and-take can reflect healthy nurturing. But ongoing imbalances in reciprocity can sabotage love. It's important to learn the underlying causes of unfairness in order to build a healthier relationship. There are two basic mistakes people can make: they can give too much or take too much. Turn to Chapter Three of the book Try To See It My Way to learn more.

If you feel that your relationship is in trouble, or you've tried everything, and you're still getting nowhere, go to www.drbhibbs.com, Or www.marriagefriendlytherapists.org Or www.aamft.org for a well trained couples therapist near you.